There's this saying, I dont remember exactly how it goes... Something about how people come into your life for a reason, and when they've accomplished what they came to do they go on their way.
I've been thinking about this quote that I dont even remember in its entirety so much lately. Mostly because I have the feeling that a friend who's been so important to me for so many years has gone on their way. There's this little part of me that feels empty coz of it. For some reason when I was thinking about our friendship... I thought of this quote.
This then led me to think about all the other people who've been in and still are in my life. Based on this quote (on a side note - its really frustrating coz I cant find the quote online, and I cant remember where I heard it.) I tried to think of what these people (the people who arent in my life, for whatever reason, any longer) have done for me. The reason they came into my life, so to speak. I think I surprised myself by coming up with things that people have done. I dont know why I was surprised. Maybe coz I've never before stopped to think about the effect people have had in my life.
There have been people who've helped me academically, psychologically, hell even physically. People have come into my life to help me out when I needed to be assured of my intelligence, to prove to me that I do indeed have talent, to show me how to nurture said talent. There have been people who've shown me that I wasnt ugly or disfigured. There have been people when I needed to be looked at as an equal and when I needed someone to look up to me. People who boosted my self-esteem and confidence. People have been there when I needed to laugh, cry or just talk. When I needed advice or to keep my feet on the ground. To teach me a lesson, give me something to learn from and something to respect. For about a million other things, both mundane and not. Most importantly, there were people who were around when all I needed was a friend.
I also realized for as many people whose "reason" for coming into my life I could pin-point, there were also those I couldnt. So naturally, thinking about it, I came up with the theory, that if these people had no real purpose in my life, maybe its me who had a purpose in theirs? (Well, they couldnt just be 'filler' people now, could they?) And if I did have a purpose in these people's lives... what was it? Was it important or mundane? Did I have a big impact? Was it a good purpose or a bad one? Of course, I dont know the answers to all of these... I hope they're all good, but I know there are most probably some bad "reasons" too. Still though, I'd like to know....
In a roundabout way this brings me back to the friend I referred to in the beginning. See, I dont think he has any idea of the effect he's had in my life, but of all these people who've come into my life when I needed something... Without ever knowing it he gave me the confidence I needed to go from someone who was completely unsure of herself and her place in anything to the person that I am today. I'm not saying that I'm perfect now, I'm not, not by a long shot. But now I know that whatever happens, I can get through it. I believe he came into my life to show me how to believe in myself. And he has no idea how much it means to me.
In some weird way though, I hate that his job is done, because I dont want him to be gone now. I miss him so much. Have I ever said that I hate losing friends? Well I do. But I'd lose about a million friends to get this one........................... God, I dont even know what to call him... he's more than a friend (not in the romantic sense) but somehow, while the term best-friend fits my best friend, it doesnt fit him. He's a term all unto himself. Whatever he is. I miss him. I'd lose a million normal friends to get him back.
I had no idea when I started writing this what the point of is was, just knew it needed to be written. So I'm sorry that this is long and rambling and confusing. But now I know.
I guess this is my thank you. Not just to my one friend mentioned, but to everyone, past and present. Even though they wont read this. I need to say it. Thank you. For everything.
I've been thinking about this quote that I dont even remember in its entirety so much lately. Mostly because I have the feeling that a friend who's been so important to me for so many years has gone on their way. There's this little part of me that feels empty coz of it. For some reason when I was thinking about our friendship... I thought of this quote.
This then led me to think about all the other people who've been in and still are in my life. Based on this quote (on a side note - its really frustrating coz I cant find the quote online, and I cant remember where I heard it.) I tried to think of what these people (the people who arent in my life, for whatever reason, any longer) have done for me. The reason they came into my life, so to speak. I think I surprised myself by coming up with things that people have done. I dont know why I was surprised. Maybe coz I've never before stopped to think about the effect people have had in my life.
There have been people who've helped me academically, psychologically, hell even physically. People have come into my life to help me out when I needed to be assured of my intelligence, to prove to me that I do indeed have talent, to show me how to nurture said talent. There have been people who've shown me that I wasnt ugly or disfigured. There have been people when I needed to be looked at as an equal and when I needed someone to look up to me. People who boosted my self-esteem and confidence. People have been there when I needed to laugh, cry or just talk. When I needed advice or to keep my feet on the ground. To teach me a lesson, give me something to learn from and something to respect. For about a million other things, both mundane and not. Most importantly, there were people who were around when all I needed was a friend.
I also realized for as many people whose "reason" for coming into my life I could pin-point, there were also those I couldnt. So naturally, thinking about it, I came up with the theory, that if these people had no real purpose in my life, maybe its me who had a purpose in theirs? (Well, they couldnt just be 'filler' people now, could they?) And if I did have a purpose in these people's lives... what was it? Was it important or mundane? Did I have a big impact? Was it a good purpose or a bad one? Of course, I dont know the answers to all of these... I hope they're all good, but I know there are most probably some bad "reasons" too. Still though, I'd like to know....
In a roundabout way this brings me back to the friend I referred to in the beginning. See, I dont think he has any idea of the effect he's had in my life, but of all these people who've come into my life when I needed something... Without ever knowing it he gave me the confidence I needed to go from someone who was completely unsure of herself and her place in anything to the person that I am today. I'm not saying that I'm perfect now, I'm not, not by a long shot. But now I know that whatever happens, I can get through it. I believe he came into my life to show me how to believe in myself. And he has no idea how much it means to me.
In some weird way though, I hate that his job is done, because I dont want him to be gone now. I miss him so much. Have I ever said that I hate losing friends? Well I do. But I'd lose about a million friends to get this one........................... God, I dont even know what to call him... he's more than a friend (not in the romantic sense) but somehow, while the term best-friend fits my best friend, it doesnt fit him. He's a term all unto himself. Whatever he is. I miss him. I'd lose a million normal friends to get him back.
I had no idea when I started writing this what the point of is was, just knew it needed to be written. So I'm sorry that this is long and rambling and confusing. But now I know.
I guess this is my thank you. Not just to my one friend mentioned, but to everyone, past and present. Even though they wont read this. I need to say it. Thank you. For everything.
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Now playing: Sugarland - Time, Time, Time
via FoxyTunes
1 comment:
:_)
Reminder to myself: Hug you when I see you next :)
Re: "Filler" people - maybe their purpose hasn't been revealed yet?
Perhaps you've also had an impact on people that you aren't aware of either? :)
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