I think I've been over-thinking things alot lately. Or actually, I dont know if what I'm doing is 'over-thinking' or if everyone thinks as much as me? Anyway, I've come to a conclusion... I need a break. I need to get away from everything and clear my head and get my priorities right. I feel like I'm floundering in one place and I have no idea where I'm headed. What really sucks is that I cant think of anything to do about it. The only solution I keep coming up with is getting the hell out. Yet I cant do that, at least not till I finish college, thats not for another year and a half.
A year and a half is probably not much to some people, but right now it seems like forever. I think it feels even longer than it is because IFT is just not appealing to me right now. I'm just doing the same things day after day and thats it... its become routine, I dont even think about it anymore. I dont want that. This is not how I thought uni would be. I had 4 projects this semester, gotten 3 done. All the while I was standing up there, presenting the projects, I'm thinking "This is bullshit, why are you people buying this?". But everyone, EVERYONE, was like "Oh that was a really good project, I like your idea, yada, yada, yada..." Yet all the while, when I'm working on the projects or anything else for that matter, I just cant seem to put forth more effort. There's no motivation. None at all. Right now my mindset is just "A year and a half. Get it done and get the hell out". I hate that its come to that. There was a time I was excited about stuff like this. There was a time I used to give good ideas and solutions. And now... I'm lost. Or in a rut. Is that what its called? Whatever its called, I need to get out of it. But I have no idea how to get myself motivated again. All my motivation right now is going towards "get the hell out". Which doesnt help me much when I'm trying to study Statistics. Oh and Statistics. I'm so shit scared I'm gonna fail. If I fail, I'm screwed. If I fail, how am I gonna face my dad? What do I say? "I'm sorry you wasted $60000, but your daughter's an idiot who absolutely cannot understand math"? I'm sure thats gonna go over really bloody well. Oh God, I'm screwed.
Its like there's this huge iceberg and I'm standing in the middle and if I take a step in any direction its all gonna come falling on top of my head. My feet are numb yet my legs are cramping, and I need to move...
A year and a half is probably not much to some people, but right now it seems like forever. I think it feels even longer than it is because IFT is just not appealing to me right now. I'm just doing the same things day after day and thats it... its become routine, I dont even think about it anymore. I dont want that. This is not how I thought uni would be. I had 4 projects this semester, gotten 3 done. All the while I was standing up there, presenting the projects, I'm thinking "This is bullshit, why are you people buying this?". But everyone, EVERYONE, was like "Oh that was a really good project, I like your idea, yada, yada, yada..." Yet all the while, when I'm working on the projects or anything else for that matter, I just cant seem to put forth more effort. There's no motivation. None at all. Right now my mindset is just "A year and a half. Get it done and get the hell out". I hate that its come to that. There was a time I was excited about stuff like this. There was a time I used to give good ideas and solutions. And now... I'm lost. Or in a rut. Is that what its called? Whatever its called, I need to get out of it. But I have no idea how to get myself motivated again. All my motivation right now is going towards "get the hell out". Which doesnt help me much when I'm trying to study Statistics. Oh and Statistics. I'm so shit scared I'm gonna fail. If I fail, I'm screwed. If I fail, how am I gonna face my dad? What do I say? "I'm sorry you wasted $60000, but your daughter's an idiot who absolutely cannot understand math"? I'm sure thats gonna go over really bloody well. Oh God, I'm screwed.
Its like there's this huge iceberg and I'm standing in the middle and if I take a step in any direction its all gonna come falling on top of my head. My feet are numb yet my legs are cramping, and I need to move...
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